OSCAR.com: The OSCAR Night Blog with Joel Stein

DARLING CURSE STRIKES AGAIN!!!

DARLING CURSE STRIKES AGAIN!!!

Out of here

Thanks for multi-tasking with me.
It was pretty fun being backstage. Lots of famous people. Like being at the Ivy for lunch.
It went much faster than watching it. And I didn't watch one montage. So I feel very lucky.
I feel ike the end of camp. Everyone is hugging each other and giving each other cards. Apparently, I went to a very snotty camp where the kids had cards.
Good night. I'm off to the Governors Ball with my wife. Which is how the Oscars paid me. They're smart, those Oscars people.

I'm out on stage

All these people come up to the stage after. Cate Blanchett wanted a "pillow up her bum."  I told Amy Adams she wasn't wrinkled like she feared and she said she was relieved.  Spike Lee looks like he'll be the last to leave.  Jon Stewart's writers posed for pictures with him: They were under the stage IMing him jokes he used.   And I found out the one person excused form the dress code: Bruce Vilanch. Really ugly T-shirt and back pants.  Maybe that's his version of formal.

Guest blogger. returns: Jennifer Robinson, trophy presenter

That was fabulous. Martin Scorcese is very well respected. He smiled at me. I'm a part of history. Thank you.

There is a stage left

It's discouraged, but some people get to use it to avoid the press. Denzel, for instance.

How big are the Academy Awards?

I was five feet away, loking for a while, and I'm pretty sure Martin Scorcese got his eyebrows trimmed.

Guest blogger: Jennifer Robinson, trophy presenter

I've had an absolutely unbelievable time here. it's everything I ever imagined. I alsways thought that I would be on the Oscar stage. one day I'll be accepting an award for best actress. Tom Hanks, he's an angel. Absolutely an angel. His spirit. His presence. He was very nice to me. Cameron Diaz loves my dress. Well, the dress I'm wearing. I picked it out. Let me tell you what I'm wearing. Dena Bar-Rel is her name. The jewelry is by Raffinity.
I got the job because I auditioned. I have an agent. The last job I did was a print job for teeth whintening. And also did a hair ad.
I'm about to do Martin Scorcese. I'll be back.

Diablo Cody

She stared as a blogger, so as she walked by me with her award she said, "Go blog about it."
Okay: Diablo Cody was crying. And she just won an award under the name Diablo Cody. With a dress that exposed her tattoo. And she used to strip. She is a perfect reprenation of all the screenwriters I've met in L.A. Only slightly less short, male and Jewish.

More Tom Hanks Hankitudes!

He's backstage with his arm around the waist of the last Oscar winner woman for documentary right after she won, and he says, "It's a long way up from the seats to the stage, isn't it? But you didn't trip and you didn't say f***, so you're fine."

Guest blogger IDs

Christina is the brunette; Sandra is the redhead. Now you can enjoy their blogs much more

Dress code

Everyone – even the people pushing the sets on and off – are wearing black tie. The Oscars are not messing around, dress-code wise.

Hanks and Amy Adams

Tom Hanks. That’s a star. Amy Adams walked in backstage all worried that sitting has wrinkled her dress and Tom Hanks walks in and just Tom Hanks her. “Singing! Dancing! You’re doing it all!” He knows all the projects she’s working on and asks if she’s taking a break. “This is a break for me,” she says. Then they announce it’s a commercial break and Hanks yells, “Come on guys! Break time!” wanting us all to relax. Then they powder him up and tons of cameras go off and he says, “Boys get a picture of this. It’s so masculine. Oh, Tom Hanks is getting his face powdered for the Academy Awards. He stormed Normandy Beach at Saving Private Ryan.”

return guest blogger: Christina Ulloa, trophy presenter

Hello again!  I am so happy the song from "once".  It is such a beautiful song-- listening to them rehearse the last few days I was moved to tears more than once (no pun intended).  The show is moving pretty quickly, I can't wait for the last few big awards of the night.  The gowns and the jewelry we are wearing are fabulous--I am really enjoying the diamonds--hint hint Joe.  I've gotta run again! Continue to enjoy the show.

Jon Stewart, where are you?

He has not come on or off the stage since this thing started. He's going to the corner to hang out and talk to his writers, I'm guessing. Still, he's going to have to go the bathroom sometime in his 6 hours onstage. And I will b there to blog about it. Stay tuned for that one.

Travolta controversy

Someone commented about his bad toupee. I'm pretty sure that's close-cropped real Travolta hair.
Look at me, solving riddles the world is pondering.

The power of the press

Remember that blog about how I was hungry? I bet you do. Well, they brought me a bunch of food. Sandwiches, beef skewers, samosas, pasta, cookies. Well done, Oscars. Now I need some action from Penelope Cruz who just walked by. Get on it, Oscars!

Blogger's dream moment

Cameron Diaz and Hiilary Swank reach the line for the two unisex bathooms at the same time.  Who will go first? Who will move aside? They laugh and hug, but that's just show.
Diaz get the bathroom! Though Swank gets taken to some secret other bathroom. "You don't want to go in there," some Oscar guy says. "Boys have been in there."

Freakshow

This huge group of princes and princesses walks in for the next number. But in the middle in of them is Penelope Cruz. And pushing her way the other way is Nicole Kidman. This is weird back here.

Odors of the Oscar

Many of the presenters smell great. But, without naming any names, some people running on and off stage a lot -- not so much. But the huge ceilings and good ventilation spare me completely. Thanks for the big ceilings, Oscar.

Forest Whitaker

By the way, how did Forest Whitaker get in and out without me noticing him. This backstage area is tiny and he's Forest Whitaker. How did that work?

Respect for the past

Someone working for the Oscars just walked by the ramp put up for Robert Boyle's entrance and said, "Stupid ramp." Meanwhile, the music swells behind her for him.

Me and Renee Zellweger

She touched my Mac. I said, "Nice dress." She said, "Oh, thank you very much. That's nice." She totally wants me.

Marion Cotillard

Now she seemed excited.
Also, that sound editor woman, Karen Baker Landers she was excited too. She was tearing up after backstage. Then she walked over to the "Thank You Cam" right offstage where you can thank people at Oscar.com who you forgot. Turned out she forgot her mom and her husband. I'm sure they're just as happy to be thanked on Oscar.com. She is so screwed when she gets home. Though she can just say, "Screw you, I've got an Oscar. I can get an new mom and husband."

Yep, an old guy was wheeled in

Robert Boyle. Art direction or something. 98 years old. I'm going to wikipedia him right now.

ramp

They just put a ramp up over the stairs. My prediction: Appreciation moment about to happen.

Colin Farrell and Glen Hansard

They see each other backstage and instantly go crazy Irish on each other. I couldn't even make out all of it. But Colin Farrell said, "Go on. Nice one lads! Go get em."
When they came off stage, I told Glen Hansard he did a good job. "Thanks, lads," he said.
I've been to Ireland. They're not that Irish there.

Guest blogger: Sandra Plazinic, trophy presenter

I am so excited to be here yet another year as a trophy presenter. I know you guys probably wonder what the hell we do on stage as trophy gals. It may seem like a funny job but its actually not as easy as it seems. We are part of the visible production team and like all the other people who are on this job( director, stage manager, grips etc...) here for 4 days straight, working 12-14 hrs. to make this show look as glamorous as it is the night of.
I am in a golden gown(thanks Deena), frosted from head to toe w/ a 75 k necklace and a yellow diamond ring(thanks Rafi) and feel like a godess thanks to the make-up and hair department(thanks guys)I can't believe I just walked off w/ Javier Bardem who won best supporting actor. I think E. Bana just got competition....Just kidding Joaquin...je t'aime toujours
Sandra

Miley Cyrus's mom

So there's this game I play with my wife called "Better/worse/same" where we decide whether a celebrity is better looking or worse looking in person. It gets all thrown off on OScar night because everyone is so done up, but here's a couple.
Mylie Cyrus' mom = better
Owen Wilson = better

Jack Nicholson

So I convince two other reporters back here, Sandra Cohen from AP and Gina Picolo from the L.A. Times to try to break into the green room to get some food, since we're all starving. As we walk about Jack Nicholson, in sunglsasses, grabs Sandra, who's wearing some kind of wrap, and says, "Nice dress. Let's get a picture." Then someone takes a bunch of photos of them together and Jack Nicholson walks into the green room without us. That did not work out. He'd get more action with a little less charm and a little more crudite.

Sombrero dude

So I grab one of hte costumed freaks walking by and ask how they got the gig. "We're SAG singers" one of them said, as if that means something to me. Then Fletch, one of many guys in sombreros, says. "We lost a bet, actually." Now that makes sense.

YMCA

Construction workers, a groom, a bride, a futuure man and a lederhosen dude and a bunch of other brides and grooms have walked by. This should be the worst Oscar number ever.

Tilda Swinton

As  she's walking off, very calm, a guy walks up to her and gives her a little certificate. "Oh, yes, this is the proof. Since I've given away my award."
By the way, George Clooney says he's never lost an Oscar pool. And he told me Amy Ryan was going to win. Someone is taking Clooney cash home tonight.

Owen Wilson

The handler dudes ask him if he wants to go to the press room. He says, "Whatever you guys say." Take a stand, Owen Wilson!

Oscar winners

This is weird, but people keep winning awards and walking by me and they're just not that freaked out. They look happy and excited, but like happy and excited like you are after you get a raise or your kids win a big soccer game. I think there's only so much excitement a normal person can experience. I'm guessing that if Cuba Gooding Jr. got a raise at work he would have gone crazy there too.

Keri Russell

She spent her entire time backstage going over her script. Then she watched the song she presented and swayed in place. After she wiped her brow and said "Whew. I'm done." Total pro.
I've been here for 3 hours and already I'm wrirting like a Variety reporter.

guest blogger: Christina Ulloa, trophy presenter

Hi everyone!
It's great to be backstage at The Oscars!  I am one of the "trophy girls" tonight carrying the stautes on and off stage--and yes, they are heavy!  The energy here is amazing, I just had the pleasure of handing off two tropies to presenter Kate Blanchett, she is an terrific actress who deserves to win at least one of the two awards she is up for tonight.  So much work goes into the show--we've had 50 hours of rehersal--I look forward to sleeping in tomorrow!  I have to get ready to take out another award but maybe I'll post something again later! 

I went to touch an Oscar

I asked the guard what he would use on me if I grabbed one. He said, "Why don't you try it?" So I slowly went for it and he said, "You won't do it. You'll get kicked out." Then  he said, "It's just a statue." He used his psychological powers on me. He's like a Jedi knight.

The Rock

The Rock finished presenting, and is being brought to the press room, but is checking to see how long it will take because he needs to come back to the audience for a "relationship shot" because someone from his movie  or a friend is up for an Oscar. Who the hell does the Rock have a "relationship" with? I'm guessing Tom Wilkinson. He used to manage Triple H, right?

What kind of water do Oscar people get?

Ice Age, premium glacier water. Just so you know.

The green room was done by Architectural Digest. It's small, but really nice. So nice, they won't let me in.

Straws

You know what else is on the big cart of Oscars? A glass of straws. That way, I'm guessing, you can drink your apple juice without messing up your lipstick. They think of everything!

Amy Adams' apple juice

Right before you go onstage to sing at the Oscars, you down a half-pint of apple juice? I alert your voice coach, Amy Adams. She will not be happy. At least it wasn't milk.

Hey watch out for my computer

I know that Amy Adams needs last-minute hairpsray, but watch out for the Mac, people.
When Amy Adams looked at me funny, I told her I was blogging. "How fun!" she said. Now she's practicing singing. I hope to God she sings when she goes on stage. Otherwise, she's totally crazy.

Jennifer Garner

Her professional Oscar escort asked where she wanted to be taken.
"I'm going back to my seat, dude," she said. "But first maybe some food."
I'm hoping someone asks me if I'm hungry. Maybe if I were prettier and famouser and dressed better. Though he tux I never returned to Michael Braine in high school is from the Robert Wagner collection.

The statues

They're all piled up on a 3-level rolling tray. And they're all clutching litle numbered tags. I kind of want to take one. I'm sure there are extras. I'll wait until no one is looking. Maybe when Jennifer Garner is out there.

more indepth reporting

The backstage bathroom has Seventh Generation tissues. Eco-friendly tissues. And I think these 20 foot tall silver sparkly hoop things next to me that will be in an upcoming dance number are also probably recycled. From the Solid Gold set.

I'm backstage

You'd think that people would enter and exit from both sides of the Oscar stage, but no. Only stage right. Thats the kind of inside reporting I'm going to bringing you all night long.

Oh, and guess who's last?

Nicole Kidman just showed up way late. I think she just wants attention.

It sure isn't stopping her from posing for photos. She's dripping with diamonds like a showgirl.

Blogging pause

I'm headed backstage. This might take a whlie. Meantime, I think the show is on TV or something, so you should be fine.

More on mystery woman

There are actually a whole group of mystery people. With mystery pins on. And they've been doing laps all evening on the carpet. I can't figure out why. Oh, Oscars, award show of mystery, you've stumped me.