OSCAR.com: The OSCAR Night Blog with Joel Stein

Mystery woman

Who are these random people walking down the celeb side of the carpet but aren't celebrities. I grab one and she tells me that she got a letter from the Oscars saying she can't talk to the press, can't reveal why she's here and can't even tell me her name. What is going on Oscars? I give her my email address and she says she'll tell me in a few days. The Oscars are insane.

Philip Seymour Hoffman

If you've ever just run into Philip Seymour Hoffman out, you know that he is seriously done up - like Heidi Klum level done up - for the Oscars.

Renee Zellweger

Wins most playing to the camera. Lots of leg, lots of touching herself.  I fear she's going to grab that pole.

Michael Moore

"The thing I'm most nervous about is this tag I forgot to take off," he says, pulling his hand out of his sleeve. I offer to yank it for him, but he says his wife has a little scissors thing.

The tag, by the way, is from Rochester Big & Tall.

Katherine Heigl

Very, very tall. Not Tilda Swinton tall, but close.

Harrison Ford

Still wears an earring. Weird.

Ellen Page

She looks totally, totally freaked out. I ask her if she feels more loved or gawked at. "It's hard to tell the diffrence," she says. Seriously, pretty freaked out.

Julie Christie

She doesn't know what a blog is either. But she hates Guantanamo Bay. And thinks the Brtish are complicit in keeping it open. She's wearing one of those ribbons, only it's orange. That' s the anti-Gitmo one, apparently.

Hal Holbrook

Overcoat and a scarf. You really do get colder as you get older. Good to know.

Colin Farrell

Brought his mom. Guy's a genius.